• Cho Reb

Feminism... and BDSM


Sexuality is far from natural! On the contrary. And feminism is a way to think, which is occupied with prejudices. The truth is, that feminists think about things where other people don't even start to think about. Back to sexuality: regardless your age or experience, sexuality is a difficult matter! You meet a woman or a man, you fall in love and in bed you realize you talked not enough, if at all! Many women don't like to give blowjobs. But even more men don't like to eat pussy. Unimaginable for me, whose favorite position is 69. In the worst of cases you lie in bed with a beautiful man or woman and you realize that you don't even know what you can do at all! There are women and men who love to feel teeth on their nips, soft and tender bites are their thing. But the person you're lying in bed with is too nice and FAR away from biting your nips. At this point you are also very likely far away from talking about anal! Or even about peeing? I'm breaking in sweat by just thinking about it! This imaginary first time sex with the beautiful person you are just lying in bed with, becomes a disaster you will not forget for the rest of your life! And many relationships and marriages become an arrangement of suppressed wishes. That is NOT a worst case scenario! This is the status quo of sexual relationships to far more than 50%! (Even when I think that the situation is a bit better in artist circles or among free-spirited romantics.)


This very serious situation makes feminists say, that BDSM is the only(!) form of sexuality which is designed(!) to negotiate your sexual needs! People with an inclination for sexual power imbalance even make contracts at the beginning to clear things up! And they do it focused, not just like that! The less you are experienced to talk about your own needs, the more you will benefit from such a negotiation! It would be possible in more common relationships too, but empirically they don't happen! 'Normal' men have sentences in their mind like "Everything which has to be made with the mouth, should be done by women!" (No joke!) Some women think things like "Men have needs and I must satisfy them!" As if sexuality is something only men have. You don't have to look at the calendar! This IS the 21st century! But when you think I talk about a completely different part of society you will never come in touch with... I wish you good luck!


Of course there is another thing about BDSM. When you are a person who wants to be playful, who wants sexuality to fill a larger part of your life, BDSM is a community where it is much more likely to meet kindred spirits. The important thing I want you to get aware from my thoughts is, that even when BDSM is about domination and submission, it is designed to satisfy the needs of every participant, no matter if it's man or woman, sub or Dom, straight, gay or whatever. And it is based on negotiations on eye's level (at first!:))! And THIS is a major element of feminist thinking. Don't underestimate feminist philosophy.


When it sounds as if we all must turn to BDSM now to satisfy our needs, then please understand: it would be the safest way regarding the situation I described previously, because talking about sex and needs IS a necessary and unavoidable part of BDSM! But it doesn't need Doms and subs to talk about sex! It just needs open-minded people who fall in love and express their wishes, fantasies and ideas to each other! (Which can become a hot turn-on, a prelude of a satisfying sensual encounter for both, by the way!) Try it out! Make the sexual desires and preferences of you and your partner a regular topic in your everyday life. In the best of cases we don't need to let us guide by feminism or BDSM, but by love, curiosity and... lust.




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